Heartbreaks are also what you make of them. Relationships teach you how to gently treat someone as one of your own; they also bash and crush your heart, as if the world is crumbling in front of your eyes. But it is okay; relationships are what we deem worth giving meaning to the absurdity of life.
of pleasure. or utility?
the issue with a majority of San Francisco's culture of authentic relating, circling, cuddle parties, "deep convo" events, is that it’s intimacy without relationship. Closeness without friendship.
— Patricia Mou (@patriciamou_) 16 février 2024
In other words, porn. It may feel good when you’re doing it, but empty…
How does one weave that delicate fabric of trust, when so many are ensnared in their own lives?
To cultivate trust, we must first turn inward, nurturing the quiet confidence of self-trust before extending our hands to others. Yet, amidst the hustle and haste, how do we anchor our souls in authenticity and leave room for empathy? Can we create a sanctuary for trust to blossom, even in the most turbulent of seas?
Trust requires vulnerability - the courage to show up as our authentic selves, to share our hopes and fears without guarantee. When we have faith in each other’s core intentions, even as we stumble and err, we weave a web of trust that can withstand the tempests of misunderstanding.
… because old friends may feel like strangers once substantial time has passed. Consistent with this possibility, several of the barriers that participants endorsed when thinking about reaching out to old friends are similar to the barriers that make people reluctant to talk to strangers. People are surprisingly hesitant to reach out to old friend - Communication Psychology
reaching out feels… weird. In this age of tally, being genuine, would be the ONLY metrics that is important to maintaining relationship.
But, can love so alloyed be counted as love at all? If each act of kindness conceals a grasping need, each smile a silent plea, then perhaps the better part of friendship has been lost. We trade in a base currency, a barter of pleasure and utility. The sacred alchemy of selfless affection feels beyond our ken.
I yearn for something higher, a way of relating that does not reduce us to mere instruments of the other’s satisfaction. But the way is unclear, the path grown over from neglect.
Perhaps most importantly, we must learn to give without strings, without ledger. It is ok to reach out to old friends, or go on that walk every Saturday to meet strangers. To offer our time, our energy, our care - not as a loan to be repaid, but as a gift freely bestowed. To delight in the joy of the other without thought to our own gain.
None of this is to lay blame at anyone. We are all, to some degree, caught up in this dance, of pursuing something greater than ourselves. But even in such a world, we need not resign ourselves to a life of bartered affections.
Still, I hold out hope that true friendship may yet be possible - a meeting of souls, freely given, that seeks the good of the other for their own sweet sake. Even if the world declares it folly, still I dream of a love uncorrupted.
of mutual caring.
To care about something is generally to find it worthwhile or valuable in some way; caring about one’s friend is no exception. A central difference among the various accounts of mutual caring is the way in which these accounts understand the kind of evaluation implicit therein - SEP
However, people are more afraid of commitment, and they are even more afraid of being hurt. Who wouldn’t? We have seen too much, borne witness to the cruelties that humans can inflict upon one another.
It’s no wonder that hearts grow hesitant, that souls recoil from the prospect of vulnerability. And so we retreat, donning armor forged from fear, shielding ourself from this tumultuous life. But in our haste to protect ourselves, do we not also rob ourselves of life’s greatest joys?
In the end, perhaps the greatest fear is not of commitment or solitude, of judgment or pain. Perhaps what we truly fear is the glorious, terrifying possibility of being seen, of being known in all our imperfect beauty. For to be truly seen is to be vulnerable, and relinquish control of oneself.
And friends will be the ones who are there for you along the way.